I’m tired of being different. Rather than many who adopt a strange look, I was born into it. Ever since I can remember people have looked at me differently. When I was a kid, I was bullied for it, as an adult.. most strangers tend to try their best. Some don’t hide their fear, or repugnance, others stare at you out of their corner of their eyes, people working in customer service smile but their eyes show they’re disconcerted.
I used to hate everyone for it. Growing up, I went through hell. I felt like I was blamed for being different, for being myself. I tried to find ways to ingratiate myself to others, to fit in, but you soon learn that you can’t please everyone. So I grew angry, and set out to act and dress despite the world, to take pride in being different. And apparently I became an arrogant jerk. I appear to think I’m better than others. No, I just try to take pride in who I am. I have a respect for people who are unafraid to be different, and a learned disinterest in those who follow the crowd and never really think for themselves.
I’m tired of walking into a public area and feeling like a walking headlight. Having been truly different, I no longer want the burden.
Today I feel like saying: Fuck you. But you know what, I can’t blame any of you. All I can do is use my isolation from society to criticise it – but not to bring it down, just to offer some words that might improve it.
Sometimes, in public, I’ll see a likeminded being, clothed in black, with dyed hair, or the familiar hostile, cynical eyes. I don’t know if you recognise me because I’m playing at being a sheep these days. I’m too afraid to reach out because I think you’ll reject me. Perhaps I’ll resort to resuming a calling card. Something like this: